Fake Urban’s Big Ten East Prediction

I’ve given you my prediction about who will win the Big Ten West and already some of you idiots have messaged me, saying I’m crazy Nebraska will be the team to beat. Don’t forget. I’m also the one who has correctly predicted scores of games (see Ohio State at Oklahoma 2016) and Ohio State scoring 62 points against Iowa State in the first round of the NCAA basketball tournament. Wonder why I chose 62?Now it’s time to show the same accuracy with the Big Ten East division. Let’s go from worst to first.

Duh. Poor Chris Ash. I really like him. But this is Rutgers.

Most people would have Maryland in this spot but not me. Indiana is not a football school. Hell, they’re not even a basketball school anymore. They’re good at soccer but I don’t really care about that.

These guys suck too but they’re going to be improved under their new coach. They will, however, open the season against Howard and they should beat that guy by many, many points.

They get to be the division’s guinea pig, at least as far as I’m concerned. We’ll watch film of them play Northwestern, Wisconsin, Penn State and that Team Up North before we play those teams. Their offense is again suspect and that will lead to some unfortunate losses. Best of luck in the Redbox Bowl, Sparty!

More bitter disappointment will happen to Wolverine fans this autumn. Everyone keeps hyping up their improved defense. I guess that means that instead of giving up 62 points to us, this year they will surrender 61. Big deal. This team will continue their sequel to their revenge tour and make everyone feel good about themselves. I’m not even confident they’ll get through back-to-back October games against Penn State and Notre Dame. Eat it, Harbaugh.

Welcome to the Nebraska of the Big Ten East since you have a weak schedule! Idaho, Buffalo, Pitt = Win, Win, Win. At Maryland, Purdue, Iowa = Win, Win, Win. That Team Up North, at Michigan State, at Minnesota = Win, Win, Win. Indiana, Ohio State, Stupid Rutgers = Win, LOSS, Win. Sorry, Penn State. You’re still not elite.

Of course I’d pick us to win. As long as Fields grows into the quarterback role, Dobbins can run effectively, his line will block, our linebackers tackle and our defensive backs make stops, we’ll be fine. That’s a lot of questions but every season has its share of challenges. Let’s be ready for whatever Nebraska has ready to go against us and play smart in a stupid Friday night game at Northwestern. Then in November, show Penn State they’re not elite and sadden Harbaugh in crappy Ann Arbor.

Big Ten Championship Game: In a rematch, the Buckeyes will sadden Scott Frost again, 42-16, and then we can all hate on guys named Dabo, Nick or Lincoln in the Playoff.