The Big Ten West division will once again suck, paving the way for the Wisconsin Badgers to play in the Big Ten Championship Game for the 66th consecutive year. This division might as well be called Suck Central. Now that you know who will be in first place, let’s go backwards, from last to the Badgers.

7. Illinois- Last year, the Badgers were full of themselves after breezing through Suck Central with an undefeated record. Remember, the Badgers avoided playing good from the Big Ten East. This year, the Suck Central Schedule of the Year belongs to Illinois. Lovie Smith’s team avoids playing That Team Up North, Michigan State and won’t even play my team for that Wooden Turtle Trophy. The problem is Illinois still can’t even beat teams like Rutgers and Maryland from my division and that’ll get ol’ Lovie fired, possibly even before Halloween.

6. Purdue- Poor Purdue. The irrelevant Boilermakers have a challenging non-conference schedule by Purdue standards and then have to play my team, Michigan State and Iowa in consecutive weeks. That game against Iowa is on the first weekend in November and we know how Iowa plays that weekend.

5. Minnesota- The following is what I wrote about Minnesota last year. Nothing has changed. Welcome to the world of Zippy, the spastic little crazy man who thinks rowing a boat will be the success to winning football games in the Twin Cities. Guess what, Zippy? That worked at Western Michigan but you're not in Kalamazoo anymore. This is the Big Ten. Yes, you're in a crappy division but the boat you're steering will likely sink in one of your new state's 10,000 lakes. Golden Gopher fans will harken for those glory days the team had under Coach Jerry Kill.

4. Nebraska- New coach Scott Frost is apparently the most amazing thing to hit Lincoln since they opened up their only Dairy Queen near campus. He has a true freshman quarterback and a lot of problems. Stay irrelevant, Huskers. Oh, and we’ll destroy you in early November when you visit Columbus.

3. Iowa- Congratulations, Hawkeyes. You did your first relevant thing last November against my team. Kirk Ferentz is still smiling. His team is still smiling. Their fans are still smiling. When they lose to Northern Illinois and Iowa State to start the season, Hawkeye fans will still be smiling. Weirdos.

2. Northwestern- Pat Fitzgerald is an amazing football coach. That’s what the Northwestern faithful believe. Much like Iowa, they lose games they should win and pull one or two games out of their you know what and pull off upsets. This year, the those crazy cats play Michigan State, that Team Up North and Notre Dame. Do your stuff, Pat.

1. Wisconsin- They’ll win every game again, getting the hopes of of every cheesehead in America. The media will buy in, placing the Badgers in the top four of every poll. No one will even think they’re so mighty because they’re dominating Suck Central. Come that first Saturday in December, it’ll all come crashing down again...On Wisconsin.

Tomorrow I'll give you my predictions on the Big Ten East division.